May the Lord Grant Your Ignorant Soul a Miracle, Njoki Chege!


Njoki Chege might find this black unicorn of a husband she is chasing after (at 30) and I wish her all the best in that. After the wedding, lavish of course, and I am sure she will plaster pictures of it all over her blog and make all those who doubted this miracle was possible feel silly.

I am sure they will proceed to a top notch honeymoon destination courtesy of her black unicorn’s credit card and have wonderful time where she will proceed to blog about how Jesus has been good to her and her new man from the sandy beaches of some exotic island.

They will come back and the dust will settle and she will enjoy a blissful honeymoon phase which as expected, she will blog about relentlessly.

However, I will not be surprised if, and high chances are this will happen, this refined gentleman of her dreams starts cheating on her with a ratchet second year campus girl from Mathogothanio Primary and Secondary school who doesn’t know the difference between whiskey and brandy and calls them those “brown pombees”.

At this point I imagine Njoki will be say 32 (after 2 years of marriage) with a baby to nurse, unforgiving stretch marks from her boobs to the thighs and will be furiously blogging from her kitchen counter late at night about how all men are pigs while she stirs baby porridge and with the other hand calling her husband who will be mteja.

See, I wish all these things she blogs about are real and achievable. Because as a lady I can tell you, it would be nice if the majority of men we had were the kind that Njoki has wet dreams about; But the sad truth is that they are not – and I am not only talking about the Nairobi men, even those in other small towns like Nakuru, Meru or even my home town Thika.

Success is measured by how far one has come compared to where they started from. So if a man who never owned a pair of shoes growing up is now driving a Subaru, THAT is success. If a man who lived in a mud house as a kid can now pay 30K for his 2 bedroom apartment in Ruaka or in other places that Njoki would rather sleep out in the cold than live in, that is success.

If a man whose father’s idea of going out was going the local and drinking a whooping 200 bob can now afford to spend 5K a night in Electric Avenue, that to him is success. And if a man who slept hungry as a kid because his parents couldn’t afford to feed him every night can now buy for his boys several kilograms of choma at their local as they blast music from their Subarus, that is success for him. And if a man who kept dropping out school for lack of fees can now afford to pay fees for his kids at a public or private school comfortably, I would call that man successful, irrespective of which schools they may be.

If I have come to know anything about men, is that they evolve and are constantly changing. So grow with him and reap the benefits when you are living in a mansion. If the man you have is not driving a range, be patient, motivate and support him… only if he is a hard worker. Do not waste your time with a lazy bum.

The best unions are made of couples who struggled and made it together. The most respected women are those who found a man walking and taking a matatu to work and didn’t dismiss him to go for the ready-made; those who didn’t see a one-bedroom in Umoja but saw the potential in the man.

I am not saying that women should lower their standards, however it is rude and unfair to judge a man or a woman based on where they are at in their lives as of the here and now. That is what we call lack of vision and I think that is what Njoki and everyone else who thinks like her is suffering from.

Judge people based on their potential, character and morals. I have seen women with those rich and seemingly refined men Njoki is searching for who wish they were married to paupers who made them happy. Majority of those men come with a load of problems and all kinds of weird crap. But that is a story for another day.

Otherwise, Njoki, kairitu ka mami, I wish you all the best in your endeavors to find your dream man.

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